Sober January is a disaster.
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
Randomize
