What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
Randomize
