Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
Randomize
