Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
Actions speak louder than pants.
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
Randomize
