I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
They left me at home... I'm a liability
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
Randomize