I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
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