I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
Randomize
