Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
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