I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
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