My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Randomize
