Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
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