dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
Randomize
