Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
I forgot how hot balto sounded
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
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