she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
Randomize
