I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
