if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
tell me about the fingering
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