I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
Randomize
