I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
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