Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
He uses pillows to masturbate.
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Randomize
