It doesn't have to be a walk of shame...just pretend he took you to breakfast.
No one shows this much boob at breakfast
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
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