You smell like a Billy Joel song
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
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