also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
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