Duck Duck Cougar?
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
Randomize
