the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
Randomize
