i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
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