I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
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