come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
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