The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
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