i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
People in love make me want to vomit
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
Randomize
