You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
Randomize
