Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
Randomize
