Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
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