Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
Randomize
