Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
Randomize
