Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
Randomize
