I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
Do you have feelings for this penis?
Randomize
