my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize
