My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
Randomize