I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Randomize