so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
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