are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
Randomize
