if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
Randomize