My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Randomize
