Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
All the doctor said was why
Randomize
