My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
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