Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
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