If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Randomize
