I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
Randomize
