I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
I want a musical about memes.
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
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