I faked an abortion last night.
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Randomize
