I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
Your shirt... Was in my pants
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
Randomize
