I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
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