Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
We talked him into tasing himself.
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
Randomize