after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
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