My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
I have post one night stand depression
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