Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
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