I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Randomize
