Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
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