I think my vagina is haunted
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
Randomize
