wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
The police scanner is talking about you again....
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
Randomize
