The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
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