i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
Randomize
