I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Randomize
