So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
Randomize
