i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize
