I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
Randomize
