see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
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