Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
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