U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
Randomize
