My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
