i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
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