I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
Randomize
