Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
