I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
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