a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
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