these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
NoShamevember. You game?
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Randomize
